Mad Coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: The Best Mexican Food in the USA!

Who has the Best Mexican Food?
Mad Coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: The Best Mexican Food in the USA!: I went to Carolina’a del Norte in Phoenix this morning.    As I sat there eating one of the simple pleasures of living here,...

The Best Mexican Food in the USA!

I went to Carolina’a del Norte in Phoenix this morning.   As I sat there eating one of the simple pleasures of living here, I was reminded of one of the great Mexican Food arguments which circulates around this part of the world. 

My friend Bob Boze Bell, millionaire publisher, of True West magazine, has been in a several decade long debate with the Distinguished Professor Paul Andrew Hutton, Professor of history at The University of New Mexico. 

Both men are well versed, lecture, and have written extensively, on the history of the American west.  Professor Hutton says, that New Mexico has the nations best “Mexican food”, with Mr. Bell correctly arguing, that Arizona has the best!

This is not some subjective argument because I prefer Arizona’s use of certain chiles or cilantro.  There is a simple reason that we have the best Mexican food in the U.S.  Arizona was the least inhabited region of the Southwest.  We had no real anglo settlement until, after the Gadsden Purchase in1852 and then the Civil War, which ended in 1865.  Tucson was basically an army outpost from the 1860’s on.  Eventually growing into a small community and then the largest city in what would become Arizona, until the farming around Phoenix grew in the early 1900’s.

Now I’m sure Professor Hutton, will take great offence with me, a mere cook, lecturing him on history.  But knowing history and understanding it are two different enchiladas (Professor Hutton, please see; food, Mexican, if that school has dictionaries).

The food currently being offered in New Mexico is a combination of Spanish and Native American, traditions starting in the 1500’s. In the 500 years since they have developed a separate “New Mexican “cuisine, that although delicious, is not Mexican food. 

Here in Arizona we’ve only had 150 years to bastardize the Mexican food, with our best efforts coming directly with Mexicans, across the border.  California like Texas are both older and have a lot of fusion, Mexican food.  I’m not saying that there are no great Mexican food restaurants in these places… there are. 

Just saying, Mexican food, is a misnomer, like saying, American food.  There are many styles and traditions through out Mexico and the food here is mostly “Northern Mexican” food.   But, Professor Hutton, our Mexican food can beat your Mexican food with one stove tied behind it’s back!

Warmly

Mad Coyote Joe

Early Spring Minestrone

Early Spring Minestrone

Living here I always think of spring as soon as we get into January. Yes it's still cold but this feels like spring so I wanted to share a recipe that works well in both late winter and early spring.

I know Italian food purists will argue with this recipe. But there is a school of thought out there that says regional dishes follow the seasons. Winter minestrone is heavy with medium sized pasta and a beefier feel. As spring approaches, with so many fresh vegetable choices, I wanted to make a lighter and yet very comforting soup. This delicious recipe is a starting point rather than a strict road map. The flavors are based around the fennel, onions, garlic and pesto, with the other vegetables and pasta. Use whatever is fresh and whatever you have on hand. Serve with fresh bread, which is also available at the farmers market.

1 fennel bulb, stems and core removed and chopped fine

1 bunch scallions, chopped fine

2 cloves garlic, minced

5 Tbl. Extra virgin olive oil

8 to 10 cups of chicken broth (enough to cover by a few inches)

½ head cauliflower, cut into small pieces

6-8 stalks asparagus, woody stems removed and cut into 1-inch pieces

4 or 5 baby zucchini cut in half

4 or 5 baby crooked neck squash, cut in half

A handful of green beans cut into bite sized pieces

4 or 5 baby carrots

a handful of sugar snap peas

4 or baby corn

(I just walk through the market and get a little of what ever looks fresh)

1 14oz. Can redi-cut tomatoes

4 or 5 ounces of dried spaghetti or angle hair pasta broken into quarters

a pinch of good Greek oregano

Black pepper to taste

Over medium heat, in a heavy soup pot or Dutch oven, sauté the fennel, onion and garlic, slowly until soft but not browned. Add the chicken broth and then all other vegetables and the pasta, oregano and black pepper. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. Serve in big soup bowls with a dollop of fresh pesto (don’t you dare use the store bought stuff).

Serves 6 to 8

Fresh pesto

Also use this amazing condiment or fresh bread, homemade pizza, over pasta and with grilled meats, poultry and fish!

¼ cup pine nuts

2 cloves garlic, Minced

2 tsp. Kosher or sea salt

a grind or two of fresh black pepper

4 oz fresh basil leaves

1/3 of a cup of extra virgin olive oil

1/3 of a cup of fresh grated Parmigiana Reggiano

Pulse the pine nuts, garlic, salt and pepper in a food processor, until it forms a coarse meal. Add in the basil leaves and oil and pulse until it forms a coarse paste. You will need to scrape down the sides of the food processor a few times in the process. Remove from food processor to serving bowl and stir in the parmigiana reggiano.

Make about 2 cups

Warmly,

Mad Coyote Joe

Tequila Shrimp

Tequila Shrimp

Quick easy delicious

1 Tbl. olive oil

2 Tbl. Sweet butter
1 white onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
20 medium shrimp, peeled, deveined
1/3 cup tequila reposado
3 Plum tomatoes, diced

2 Serrano chiles, chopped fine
Juice of 2 key limes
3 Tbl. chopped cilantro 
Salt and fresh ground black pepper

Directions
 Sauté the onions and garlic in the olive oil and butter, in a medium sauté pan.   When the onions are soft and translucent, but not browned, add the shrimp and continue to sauté for 2 minutes on each side, until bright pink. Then add the tequila and flame the alcohol. Add the tomatoes and sauté for another 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat and add the limejuice, Serrano chile and cilantro. Season with salt and pepper and serve immediately with white or Mexican Green, rice

Serves 4

The Sun

The Sun

A poem by Daigneault

Starting out, which way to go

direction so unclear

But walk we do and try we do

decades from the years

A house, a home, a job, a way

a life you want to build

And then one day, inch by inch

the efforts start to yield

And it feels good, so very good

you’re going to pay the bills

A world steps in, words that smirk

your mountains turn to hills

A better job, a bigger car

clothes, vacations too

Then new friends, the money grows

is this a better you

A new thing found, an old thing lost,

discarded on the way

You say hello, you say goodbye

soon black and white turn gray

For what to build, to strive and grow

be not a hired gun

For looking grand with empty heart

a fool chasing the sun

New Years and Mentors

As is common with the New Year, I look back to take stock of my personal and family progress.  I must say, at this point, things have never been better.  Kathy and I are happy and we have enough, when so many have neither.  Our kids are safe and building their lives, careers and relationships.  In short we feel truly blessed.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have met and fostered relationships with four people that took the time to mentor me and help direct my progress forward.

I doubt I could have walked through the doors I have without their guidance and honesty.

Twenty years ago I was on a fact-finding tour of Northern Mexico with a group called “Hands across the border.”  One of the other adults, Paul Elswick, forgot to bring his ID.  When passing through the Frontier Check Point (AKA 21K), they told us he could not drive his car in Mexico, and so I was asked if I would drive for him.  I reluctantly agreed.  We drove and chatted together for the next couple of hours.  The trip was pleasant enough, but that was that.  We spent the next several days in a little farming village and I have no recollection of Paul during that time. 

When it was time to go home I tried to find someone else to drive him to no avail.  And so we headed north, this time the conversations were more in depth. Over the next few hours I told Paul that he should quit his job and work freelance, he told me I should write a book.  Paul was a corporate guy, and I was no writer.  But we both argued that the other had these changes in them.  Over the next several years Paul quit his job, worked for the same people he had before, but freelance, made the same amount of money and worked only two or three hours a day.  Over that time he slowly taught me the rules of writing, editing and commenting on my first writing attempts.   I could have never written the cookbooks that still pay some of our bills without his dedication.  A little over a decade ago I had breakfast with him, at that breakfast he mentioned that he would not be alive much longer.  I told him to, “fuck-off, you’ve been telling me this for the past ten years.”  He said, okay…  I took him home; he got out and started walking away, but stopped in his driveway and turned to look at me.  I can still remember looking at him through my dirty windshield.  Our eyes locked for a second and then he turned and walked away.  Paul died ten days later from complications from pneumonia.  I owe him much and miss him greatly.

My next mentor is a guy that has spent his entire life as a singer songwriter.  As Dave Grossman often says, he’s a folk musician, which means that your basically ‘folked!’  Dave taught me how to work a room.  Over a period of seven years, he took me on his gigs, taught me the rules of running an open mic and gently showed me where I needed to fix my performances.  Below is a performance of just one of the hundreds of songs he has written.  As my television career developed, Dave would suggest where I could have worked “a bit”, a little more or where I leaned in too hard.  I owe him much.

A well-known Arizona renascence man, Bob Boze Bell, historian, humorist, artist, writer, cartoonist, radio and television host and long time rock drummer, has spent the last twenty years answering my questions and encouraging my efforts.  He along with Russell Shaw gave me my first chance in television.  Bob loves to speak and has been an inspiration for me.  He taught me that it’s okay for a regular guy to be on TV, radio, and in print.  He is a good friend and I owe him much.

Eight years ago I was very sick, and so to pass some time and hopefully further my education, I decided to study News and Creative writing at my local Community College, PVCC. A few months later, I walked into my first class, there was a quiet-speaking professor by the name of Dr. Lois Roma Deeley at the front of the room, discussing an assignment with a student.  As I listened, I was reminded of Paul. When my turn came to speak to her, the first words out of my mouth were’ “Oh there you are… I’ve been looking for you.  You’re going to be my new writing mentor, my last mentor died a few years ago.”  Lois didn’t blink an eye, as if this was how it was supposed to be. 

In her classes I not only found my voice as a writer, I watched this beautiful giant, carefully pry the best out of people that never thought they had word one to offer. 

In 1212 the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, recognized exceptional professors for their ability to engage and influence students, Dr Lois Roma Deeley was awarded the "Community College Professors of the Year Award"
 (acceptance video below). 

Like so many, I am grateful for having walked into her class.  She changed and continues to change the lives of all of her student.  I owe her much.

In closing I will mention the many others who have worked hard to help me move forward.  Bruce Jones, Don McClure and Paul Hallowell at ABC taught me how to work on camera.  Mike Assad, Jason Montero, Ryan Hall helped me move forward as a musician.  And Mike Rosenthal taught me; you can do anything you want, if you’re willing to do the work.  To them and so many more, I owe you much.

Extreme Grill Cleaning

Fixing America

Fixing America

a poem by Daigneault

Veins of ice, sweat on brow, a crawling clock, skin on fire

Corporate pusher with Clonidine, Adderall, Suboxone too

A century ago the Brits bought china, a million yellow-men on the pipe

When they said no, the armada sailed, guns and walls, babies dead

It was smack and the mob, then the Japs found meth

The flood gate broke and the market licked it’s chops

            

Junkies, junkies… we need junkies

Percodan to Percocet to Vicodin, to Demerol

The cops chase the competition, an industry is born

Everybody needs a pill, mom, dad, junior too

Preschool Ritalin, Adderall for test, cough syrup Fridays what about the poor

Get insurance, come along, no insurance drugs a crime

Junkies, junkies… we need junkies

Valium, Tramadol, Seconal and Ambien

Like a pit bull on beefsteak we ate it up, we’ll cry tomorrow, yes cry tomorrow

Junkies, junkies… we need junkies, pill press runs day and night

Tired, take a pill, sleepy, take a pill, hungry, take a pill, full take a pill…

Junkies, junkies… we need junkies, need the jobs, the market soars

Oxy, Oxy we need Oxy

Junkies, junkies… we need junkies

Wholesale seduction of the entire world, Junkies, junkies… we need junkies

Prison, full, rehab full, doctors full, Patients empty

The more they take the less they sleep, the less they feel, the less they live

But profits up, so do the research, another pill around the bend.

Nervous system side effects have included mental and respiratory depression (particularly in the elderly), stupor, delirium, somnolence, and dysphoria. Muscle rigidity (involving the respiratory musculature including the glottis) may also occur and further aggravate the respiratory depression. A case of severe hemiplegic migraine attack has been reported.

Cases of seizures have occasionally been reported, but some investigators have suggested that the seizure-like events reported may have been episodes of drug induced-rigidity.

Other side effects have included withdrawal symptoms (agitation, restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, tremor, abdominal cramps, blurred vision, vomiting, and sweating) after either abrupt cessation or fast tapering of narcotic analgesics.

Cardiovascular side effects have included hypotension, bradycardia, and arrhythmias rarely. Gastrointestinal side effects including nausea, vomiting, and constipation have been reported to have occurred commonly. Dental decay of varying severity including dental caries, tooth loss, and gum line erosion have been reported. Choledochoduodenal sphincter spasm has been reported rarely.

Respiratory side effects have included respiratory depression which has been frequently observed acute noncardiogenic pulmonary edema. Coughing has been reported following administration for anesthesia induction.  Dermatologic side effects have included pruritus which has been reported frequently. Localized rashes and, less commonly, systemic rashes have also been reported. Hypersensitivity side effects including anaphylaxis have been reported rarely.

Immunologic side effects including a case of recurrent herpes simplex infection have been reported following epidural administration has been reported to increase natural killer cell cytotoxicity and circulating CD16+ lymphocyte levels.

Metabolic side effects including a case of syndrome of inappropriate antidiuretic hormone have been reported

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: New Years Day Passion Fruit Mimosa

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: New Years Day Passion Fruit Mimosa: New Years Day Passion Fruit Mimosa If I want a drink, I usually have a shot of Bushmill’s whiskey or good tequila over, ‘store bought...

New Years Day Passion Fruit Mimosa

New Years Day Passion Fruit Mimosa

If I want a drink, I usually have a shot of Bushmill’s whiskey or good tequila over, ‘store bought’ ice.  I like some champagne now and then but a glass is about as far as I get.  If we have people over, for New Years Eve, they usually bring champagne and so the dilemma. 

How many of us have a bottle or two of modest quality, champagne sitting in the back of the fridge?  And it might sit there for a few years.

Why not make a delicious and refreshing drink… the Passion Fruit Mimosa.

Here’s the basic recipe

Champagne, chilled

Passion fruit juice or OJ or a combination of both, chilled

Garnish;

Fresh Strawberries

A slice of orange

Fill a champagne flute, half full with champagne, slowly top with Passion fruit juice or OJ, taking care not to over-fill.  Depending on glass size and presentation, garnish appropriately.  Some like crushed ice added before the champagne.  If the kids are there you can make virgin Mimosas by using 7-up or Sprite in place of the champagne.

I quote Spock, “Live long and prosper!” 

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: Grill Roasted Sonoran Beef Wellington

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: Grill Roasted Sonoran Beef Wellington: Around our house we eat Beef or Salmon Wellington on New Years Eve.   They are elegant and so easy to make.   The addition of grill roas...

Grill Roasted Sonoran Beef Wellington

Around our house we eat Beef or Salmon Wellington on New Years Eve.  They are elegant and so easy to make.  The addition of grill roasting and the poblano chile, adds a new depth of flavor to this already amazing dish. Give it a try and Happy New Year to you and yours!

Grill Roasted Sonoran Beef Wellington

Also try salmon, pork or chicken breast Wellington.

1 Tenderloin of beef

2 C   Sonoran Duxelle

1 TBL Extra virgin olive oil

1 LARGE SHEET Puff pastry

2 Eggs, well beaten

Black pepper

Kosher salt

1. Rub the olive oil into the exterior of the tenderloin.  Salt and pepper to taste.

2. Grill over high heat until the internal temperature is 128∞.  Remove from heat and fully cool in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours.

3. Bring the puff pastry to room temperature.  Lightly flour a flat working surface.

4. Place 1 sheet of puff pastry dough on work surface.  Spoon the duxelle across the of the pastry --  about 4" from the bottom edge and about 3" from the sides.  Spread into a shape 1/2" thick, about the size of the tenderloin.

5. Place the tenderloin on the duxelle. At this point sort of think of this dish as a fancy burrito. You're going to wrap the tenderloin and duxelle in puff pastry.   Fold bottom edge up and egg wash seams, trim any excess dough.  You're looking for about 1/2" overlap.  Fold the sides up and then top edge, egg washing and trimming as you go.

6. Place the Beef Wellington seam side down in lightly greased sheet pan and egg wash the top.

7. Place pizza stone on grill; light burners and turn to low.  Allow grill to slowly heat to about 400∞ then turn off burners directly below pizza stone and adjust heat to maintain approximately 400∞.

8. Place sheet pan directly on pizza stone and grill-bake for 12 to 15 minutes or until deep golden brown.  Remove from heat and let rest for 10 minutes before serving.

Serves 8.

Sonoran Duxelle for Wellington

a main component of any Wellington dish.

1/2 LB Crimini mushrooms, cleaned and chopped fine

1/2 LB Assorted mushrooms, cleaned and chopped fine

2 Shallots, minced

2 TBL Sweet butter

1 Poblano chile, roasted, peeled and minced

Table salt and fresh-ground black pepper to taste

1/2 TSP Fresh-ground nutmeg

A few drops of White truffle oil

1. Sauté the mushrooms and shallots in the butter for 5-6 minutes.  Add Poblano and spices and stir well.

2. Spoon into wire strainer and drain well.

3. Cool down in refrigerator in a covered glass bowl.  Add white truffle oil and stir well before using in Wellington.

4. Makes 2C, (enough for 1 Beef Wellington.)

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: New Years Day Black-eyed Peas

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: New Years Day Black-eyed Peas: New Years Day Black-eyed Peas or Getting Lucky at my Age! Every New Years day we have our traditional “lucky” foods.   Black-eyed ...

New Years Day Black-eyed Peas

New Years Day Black-eyed Peas

or Getting Lucky at my Age!

Every New Years day we have our traditional “lucky” foods.  Black-eyed Peas are always a big favorite.  And looking back on our lives I have to say they’ve worked well!  Best to you and yours!

Black-eyed Peas

1 LB dried or fresh Black-eyed peas, in your grocer’s produce section, today… while they last. (fresh peas, skip step 1)

1 Tbl. White vinegar (for soaking the dried peas)

2 carrots, chopped

1 celery stalk, chopped

½ sweet onion, chopped fine

2 cloves fresh garlic, minced

1 Tbl. Sweet butter

1 large Ham-hock

1 jalapeno, or chipotle, chile, chopped

1 14 oz. can *diced tomatoes (*if living in Texas, Rotel)

Either a few tsp. of fresh thyme or oregano, or 2 tsp of Italian seasoning.

Water to cover by about 1.5 inches

Salt & pepper

1. Remove any rocks or foreign material from peas and rinse well.  Soak overnight in a bowl of water with 1TBL white vinegar.  Drain and rinse.

2.Saute the carrots, celery, onion and garlic, in the butter until soft but not browned.

3. Place peas in croc-pot or large heavy stock pot with lid.  Add all ingredients, and salt & pepper to taste.  Bring to a boil; reduce heat and let burble (my father’s term for just slight of simmering), until tender, for at least a 3 hours.

Serve with fresh homemade cornbread and ice cold beer!

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: A Bright Note

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: A Bright Note: A Bright Note Political infighting… murder in our streets… unheard of natural disasters… the rich get richer and the poor… well afte...

A Bright Note

A Bright Note

Political infighting… murder in our streets… unheard of natural disasters… the rich get richer and the poor… well after my last post you may be thinking, ‘what’s the use, we’re all doomed.’  And I must admit there are days when I feel like we are all getting crushed under the foot of this fast-food, throw away, life we are being spoon feed, one commercial at a time.

And then it happens, someone that is young enough to understand, that even in this world, life is still what you make of it.

I’m so proud to announce that my niece Stephanie and the world’s best mother has decided after a successful stint in the corporate world to stay home and spend the time with her kids.  But that’s not all she has always loved food and as I’ve said in the past, “she’s a darn fine cook! (I think it’s in the genes ((not a double entendre fat joke))”

She started a food / mom at home / life with kids / all things family blog and the writing is very good.  Please go check her out at Conference Calls to Meatballs  

Personal note, Stephanie I started working from home when Katie Rose went to preschool.  I walked her to school and walked her home every day.  I went to the school at least once a month and got one of the kids and took them to lunch… maybe just a sandwich, sitting on the tailgate of my truck.  But I was there and got to catch them growing up.  Too many parents trade more dollars for this precocious time.  Although there is a cost, you will never regret this decision.

Lots of love, happy blogging.

Uncle Joe

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: What’s at Steak Every now and...

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: <!--StartFragment-->
What’s at Steak
Every now and...: What’s at Steak Every now and then modern life just pisses me off.    Case in point, the modern definition of steak.   Now I know th...

What’s at Steak

What’s at Steak

Every now and then modern life just pisses me off.   Case in point, the modern definition of steak.  Now I know that the dictionary says;

steak |stāk|

noun

high-quality beef taken from the hindquarters of the animal, typically cut into thick slices that are cooked by broiling or frying : he liked his steak rare.

I could disagree with this portrayal of a steak. To me a steak is a tender cut of beef (non-locomotive), grilled to perfection and served medium-rare. 

But, it seems, every time a TV commercial for a fast food restaurant comes on the air, it’s mentioning that they now offer “steak” in their already poorly prepared dishes.  W have tacos with shaved beef and cheese whiz,  breakfast burritos with shaved beef and egg product, and then sub sandwiches with shaved beef and processed cheese.

Incase you’re not familiar with shaved beef it’s best known as the steak on a Philly Cheese Steak.  Our parents knew it from the military, a sandwich made with white bread, canned beef gravy and shaved beef, they called it “Shit on a Shingle”, maybe they were just a little more honest. 

Here’s my beef, (get it?) as with all things in this modern age, the old way of doing and making things gets thinner, tighter, mass produced, and soon the average American starts to call steak what our parents called shit!

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: Things Change

Mad coyote Joe's Blah Blah Blog: Things Change: Okay… this is a little hard for me… I have a confession.   No I meant a confession… CONFESSION!   Look, I was raised, by a Pentecostal...

Things Change

Okay… this is a little hard for me… I have a confession.  No I meant a confession… CONFESSION! 

Look, I was raised, by a Pentecostal mother and a Catholic father.  Mom took us to her church but we knew that Catholics confessed their sins, and to a priest at that. 

So you may be asking, what sin?  Sloth… lacking ambition… not a self-starter… for the love of God, I’m a lazy bastard!

So how did I, at the ripe old age of fifty-five, come to this self-abasing conclusion?

I started off innocently enough.  I was posting an answer to a question, on a discussion group, I belong to, on Linked-in.  A question about which smoker, a member should buy after his was destroyed in a storm.  I gave my two cents worth and that was that… or so I thought!

A few days later, posing as an innocent offer, Jim Van Buskirk, from Green Mountain Grills, sent me an email;

Hey Mad,
Can I get you hooked up with a grill to try out?
Jim

Jim?  He signed it Jim, good old Jim, and like a lamb to slaughter, I foolishly said, Sure.

With that one little word… sure, things changed.  And not just a little. But I digress.

I’m thinking about my next book and I have two titles in mind.  One on the baking of Artisan breads and the other on 50 years of cooking with fire.  As I said in my first book “The Sonoran Grill,”  I believe that cooking with fire is deeply ingrained in our DNA.  Some hidden code that was developed, when those that ate meat cooked over a fire became stronger, faster, more able to meet women!

Likewise, as a young man I found that food cooked over a fire was nurturing, delicious, it brought people together.  I could be good at something and so I put a large amount of my attention to learning and then developing my natural talents as a grill cook, a few short decades later and I had a name for myself. The press called me a “Grilling Guru!”

But back to good old Jim, he arranged for me to pick up a Green Mountain Grill at The Barbecue Island it south Tempe, Arizona, about an hour from my home.  The staff was great and there was even a rep form the company.  Looking back now I see I was like the mark getting those free drinks in Las Vegas.  They got me all hooked up, explained everything about pellet smokers… what?  Didn’t I mention pellet smokers yet?  We’ll the Green mountain Grill is a pellet smoker.  The idea is this, a side hopper holds different varieties of wood pellets, oak, mesquite, pecan… what have you. A screw drive feeds a small fire chamber, which in turn creates smoke and heat at a well thought out rate.  All of which, is controlled by a small computer, that keeps the smoker at a very precise temperature.  

Jason, the sales rep (and evil minion of good old Jim) even had the balls to offer me the remote control model which allows a person (me), that once had pride in their ability to control a pile of burning wood and craft it into an amazing meal (really amazing), to sit on their ass watching television reruns, while the smoker does all the work for you.  It even has a meat thermometer, so with one touch I can not only see what the internal temperature of the meat is I can also see what the internal temperature of the smoking chamber is, and with one more touch, I can raise or lower that temperature to speed up or slow down the cooking process, or even raise the temperature enough to sear and finish if need be. 

I once had a friend that was a resident of the state for 5 years for implementing an import scheme that violated several Federal Statutes.  While a guest of the state he read the entire DOS manual.  Upon regaining his freedom he felt ready to conquer the computer world as a well-trained tech, but a funny thing happened, The Macintosh computer and Windows.  The world no longer needed a guy that knew several hundred shortcut key commands, they could just click on the command from a drop down menu.  I remember him saying, “What next?  If this doesn’t change anyone will be able to use a computer… even children.”  Being a friend I assured him saying, “ what’s the chance of that happening?”  And so I thought, well what do you expect.  And that was okay but now this is happening in my world, with these pellet smokers, busy housewives can turn them on (clearly lighting the grill is a man’s province), toss the meat on the grill and walk away.  While doing other things she (yes boys, I said she) can produce fantastic, ribs, tri tip, and even the hallowed, brisket, while chatting with her mom… Ahhhhh no it’s too cruel, CHATTING WITH HER MOM!  Oh the humanity!

And once they know this (remember the garden, the snake, the first woman, and the tree of Knowledge,) will we, be able to stand out by the grill with our buddies drinking beer, Beer that I might add creates jobs, saying to her every time she needs us to do some little chore,  I can’t honey I’m watching the grill.  She might even say it’s okay honey I’ve already got the grill going and the ribs look great, so you can vacuum before my Mom gets here.

And here’s the worst part, like a junkie saying I’ll only try it once, then I’ll do every now and then, and soon you’re doing unspeakable things in a bad part of town just to get a fix.  I tried out good old Jim’s Green Mountain Grill.  I wrote him a nice thank you note.  But told my wife, “oh it’s okay, but I like working the charcoal, watching the meat as roasts, you know, a hands on approach!  But two days later we had a small dinner to cook and as always we were busy so I thought, why don’t I just save a little time and use the pellet smoker.  It’s been a few weeks now and my big grill hasn’t seen a fire since the Green Mountain Grill showed up.

Well there you have it, What did Patton say in North Africa, “Mechanized Warfare… no valor, no heroes, nothing reaffirmed, not for me, no sir!

Listen I gotta go, I have some vacuuming to do!